I can't tell you how much I related to the masking at work, and then being completely burned out at home. I know this was probably a tough one to publish, but gosh you've done such a beautiful thing. So glad to know you here.
This means so much to me. 🥹 The work/home burnout piece is something I think so many of us carry (esp educators!!!). It's exhausting holding it all together and feeling like you have little left for the people you love the most. So glad to know you here too. xx
“I also feel secondhand rejection sensitivity, or rejection by proxy, with my own kids.” I feel this so hard and so often. I have so much regret and sympathy for my younger self, if only I’d had the diagnosis and correct meds then!! And the nightmares about college!! I still dream about having to call my mom and tell her I wasn’t graduating. Thank you for sharing and making me feel so seen (as you always do).
Fanny, I know you get this on such a deep level. The college nightmares are SO REAL. I look back often and think, “If I had only known…” Thank you for sharing this with me. Hand-in-hand, we’ve got this, my friend!
OMG that photo of you as a little girl! She is so adorable and grew up to be an amazing woman! First of all, this was a fascinating read; so real and so relatable. As females, society expects us to be neat and docile, not messy, imperfect D1 athletes! You had pressure on you from all sides, but mostly from yourself -- and the masking IS exhausting. I'm not sure what happened this week that made you pour your heart into this beautiful post, but whatever it was, you turned a tough experience into something beautiful, a shared experience that helps us all see you and see ourselves, too; even if we don't have the same diagnosis, the way our challenges eat at us and make us feel shame is so painful but also a universal experience. Everytime someone like you shows their struggles and their feelings about them, we learn to accept our own humanity, and the humanity of others, a bit more deeply. You are an amazing person and an amazing mom, and I hope you'll continue to give yourself grace, even if that's not something you always have control over.
This comment is everything, DANIELLLEEEEEE. 🥹 I finally told myself I had two choices: I could sit here for another few months perseverating on this, or I could try to claw my way out. I chose the claw. Whenever we're together and end up in one of our deep, deep conversations, it feels like I'm talking to a friend I've known forever- someone who truly sees me and understands me. Thank you for that. Thank you x infinity!!
I feel the same way! It’s so great to have found a new friend as an adult who is so fun and so interesting that time literally flies when we hang out. Better yet, I leave feeling a little less alone in the way I feel about life and the world, which is such a wonderful thing.
this was so beautifully written! i love the honesty. i’m in awe of everything you do. truly! your support of everyone on this platform is jaw dropping. you lift women up so gracefully, and i hope you see yourself how i see you! 💘
Fellow ADD girl here (diagnosed in 7th grade 🙋🏼♀️), and wow, did this hit home. It's exhausting at times, but I've also come to believe it's a bit of a superpower and learned that so many of the qualities that make us creative, curious, and driven are wrapped up in it too. You have suchhhh a gift for taking the personal and making it feel universal. Love, love this. Your newsletter is a gift to all of our inboxes!
Oh amiga! This was such an honest and beautiful letter, one to come back to every time those thoughts creep in. What you have built in this life is huge, and you were the creator. No one came to help you; you did it all by yourself. This platform, you built it on your own. People love you because through this very digital wall you come through so authentic and so human. You take the time to read every single post, share and be there for all of us. I suffer from the same things as you, but you literally gave it a name, “rejection sensitive." And now I'm going to work on it with my future therapist, ha! I just want you to know that in the 7 months I've been here and interacted with you, I feel like we've been friends forever, and the funny part is we have never even seen each other. This is the magic of writing, and you've made us all part of your world and your magic. Keep shining, keep being you. You are perfect just as you are, don't ever doubt that! Besos amiga ❤️
Thank you for this beautiful message. Isn't the "we've never seen each other" so cool -- it shows the magic of writing. You show up as yourself and suddently you don't feel so alone. The RSD is no joke, always here for you if you need. Thank you for being such a kind and supportive part of this community! SS is better with you in it. xx
Oh Traci, I cried reading this and can relate to so much of it. Thank you for sharing this in such a beautiful way.
I have not received a formal diagnosis (my therapist and family feels there’s no doubt about it but the system here works differently so its difficult as an adult to get assessed) but I’ve struggled so much in my life with many of the similar things you mention (also a Div I athlete). What resonated most is how hard you are on yourself. I just want to say I see you and feel you. Please give yourself a big hug today and tomorrow and the day after. You deserve so much more kindness than your inner voice is giving you.
I am so glad it resonated. I went through a whole ping-pong of “do I?” “don’t I?” and finally said, “Just hit publish. Someone needs to hear your story.” Thank you for making it worth it! I’m sending you a DM and a hug right back. We have a lot to unpack. ❤️ Appreciate you so much.
I grew up with ADHD/dyslexia, unfortunately I grew up in an abusive toxic household. My family would call me dumb and emotional.
So, I actually would believe them and I would further dumb myself. I wouldn't question what was "wrong" with me for years. I blocked it out and I would wonder, why am I getting extra help in class? am I dumb like they say? Why couldn't I turn in my homework in time?! or pay attention?!
It took me until I was 36 to put all the pieces together. I was so mad! I was like that's it?
It's been a learning curve and I still have so many questions. I also need to be gentle with myself and focus on my strengths.
Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this. I love you and I wish I could give you a big hug!
Lovey! Thank you for sharing this with me. My heart is breaking. I am so glad you're learning to give yourself grace you deserved all along. I'm trying to get there right with you! You are INCREDIBLE, biggest hugs back, xx!
This is so real & raw. A beautiful reminder that you truly never know what inner battles someone is facing on any given day. Thank you for always being authentic on here 🤍
Tamie! Every single comment where someone says, “I feel seen” makes my heart feel so full. I totally connect within what you said— YES to teachers passing out of pity (saw that specifically in one college class). Thank you for reading, sharing, and connecting!!! I appropriate you!!!
A beautiful piece and a beautiful comments section, amazing to read your story and to hear from so many others who feel the same. Thank you for always creating a safe space for us all 💛
Dude! This is my life in the classroom and I love my ADHD students and you so much! It’s a lot to handle. I wish I could erase shame from every wonderful person who is feeling it. Thanks for writing a beautiful and vulnerable piece Traci! Love ya so much!❤️❤️🙌
I’m finally catching up on all my substacks and this was a beautiful read. I can absolutely empathise with the burnout. It’s such a common misconception that people with ADHD are always messy and unproductive and unreliable. Like you described, they can be hyper organsized and ‘type A’ in their careers or schooling because they are working SO hard to manage their ADHD challenges. No wonder you are feeling exhausted!
Self-compassion is a hard one so don’t let that be another thing to beat yourself up over lol! It certainly doesn’t come easy for me, but all we can do is keep practicing xo
I can't tell you how much I related to the masking at work, and then being completely burned out at home. I know this was probably a tough one to publish, but gosh you've done such a beautiful thing. So glad to know you here.
This means so much to me. 🥹 The work/home burnout piece is something I think so many of us carry (esp educators!!!). It's exhausting holding it all together and feeling like you have little left for the people you love the most. So glad to know you here too. xx
“I also feel secondhand rejection sensitivity, or rejection by proxy, with my own kids.” I feel this so hard and so often. I have so much regret and sympathy for my younger self, if only I’d had the diagnosis and correct meds then!! And the nightmares about college!! I still dream about having to call my mom and tell her I wasn’t graduating. Thank you for sharing and making me feel so seen (as you always do).
Fanny, I know you get this on such a deep level. The college nightmares are SO REAL. I look back often and think, “If I had only known…” Thank you for sharing this with me. Hand-in-hand, we’ve got this, my friend!
OMG that photo of you as a little girl! She is so adorable and grew up to be an amazing woman! First of all, this was a fascinating read; so real and so relatable. As females, society expects us to be neat and docile, not messy, imperfect D1 athletes! You had pressure on you from all sides, but mostly from yourself -- and the masking IS exhausting. I'm not sure what happened this week that made you pour your heart into this beautiful post, but whatever it was, you turned a tough experience into something beautiful, a shared experience that helps us all see you and see ourselves, too; even if we don't have the same diagnosis, the way our challenges eat at us and make us feel shame is so painful but also a universal experience. Everytime someone like you shows their struggles and their feelings about them, we learn to accept our own humanity, and the humanity of others, a bit more deeply. You are an amazing person and an amazing mom, and I hope you'll continue to give yourself grace, even if that's not something you always have control over.
This comment is everything, DANIELLLEEEEEE. 🥹 I finally told myself I had two choices: I could sit here for another few months perseverating on this, or I could try to claw my way out. I chose the claw. Whenever we're together and end up in one of our deep, deep conversations, it feels like I'm talking to a friend I've known forever- someone who truly sees me and understands me. Thank you for that. Thank you x infinity!!
I feel the same way! It’s so great to have found a new friend as an adult who is so fun and so interesting that time literally flies when we hang out. Better yet, I leave feeling a little less alone in the way I feel about life and the world, which is such a wonderful thing.
Samesies <3
Shit..... you make me cry. You are the best
this was so beautifully written! i love the honesty. i’m in awe of everything you do. truly! your support of everyone on this platform is jaw dropping. you lift women up so gracefully, and i hope you see yourself how i see you! 💘
This made me tear up. 🥹 Thank you so much for reading it and for such a kind message.
Fellow ADD girl here (diagnosed in 7th grade 🙋🏼♀️), and wow, did this hit home. It's exhausting at times, but I've also come to believe it's a bit of a superpower and learned that so many of the qualities that make us creative, curious, and driven are wrapped up in it too. You have suchhhh a gift for taking the personal and making it feel universal. Love, love this. Your newsletter is a gift to all of our inboxes!
I SEE YOU! THANK YOU for making me feel so seen & un alone. Appreciate the kind words, my fellow creative genius. 💓
I want to give you the biggest hug right now, Traci. I’m so grateful you and your writing exist. 💚
TYSM, Elin! I feel the EXACT same about you!
Hugs. Warmth. And love for you, always 💕
Received! <3 Thanks for reading, Evonne!
Oh amiga! This was such an honest and beautiful letter, one to come back to every time those thoughts creep in. What you have built in this life is huge, and you were the creator. No one came to help you; you did it all by yourself. This platform, you built it on your own. People love you because through this very digital wall you come through so authentic and so human. You take the time to read every single post, share and be there for all of us. I suffer from the same things as you, but you literally gave it a name, “rejection sensitive." And now I'm going to work on it with my future therapist, ha! I just want you to know that in the 7 months I've been here and interacted with you, I feel like we've been friends forever, and the funny part is we have never even seen each other. This is the magic of writing, and you've made us all part of your world and your magic. Keep shining, keep being you. You are perfect just as you are, don't ever doubt that! Besos amiga ❤️
Thank you for this beautiful message. Isn't the "we've never seen each other" so cool -- it shows the magic of writing. You show up as yourself and suddently you don't feel so alone. The RSD is no joke, always here for you if you need. Thank you for being such a kind and supportive part of this community! SS is better with you in it. xx
🥹😘❤️
Oh Traci, I cried reading this and can relate to so much of it. Thank you for sharing this in such a beautiful way.
I have not received a formal diagnosis (my therapist and family feels there’s no doubt about it but the system here works differently so its difficult as an adult to get assessed) but I’ve struggled so much in my life with many of the similar things you mention (also a Div I athlete). What resonated most is how hard you are on yourself. I just want to say I see you and feel you. Please give yourself a big hug today and tomorrow and the day after. You deserve so much more kindness than your inner voice is giving you.
Always here if you want to chat or vent!
I am so glad it resonated. I went through a whole ping-pong of “do I?” “don’t I?” and finally said, “Just hit publish. Someone needs to hear your story.” Thank you for making it worth it! I’m sending you a DM and a hug right back. We have a lot to unpack. ❤️ Appreciate you so much.
Antonia, im sorry you are going through this but im hoping you’ll get some answers soon! ❤️
TRACI!! you're going to make me cry!
I grew up with ADHD/dyslexia, unfortunately I grew up in an abusive toxic household. My family would call me dumb and emotional.
So, I actually would believe them and I would further dumb myself. I wouldn't question what was "wrong" with me for years. I blocked it out and I would wonder, why am I getting extra help in class? am I dumb like they say? Why couldn't I turn in my homework in time?! or pay attention?!
It took me until I was 36 to put all the pieces together. I was so mad! I was like that's it?
It's been a learning curve and I still have so many questions. I also need to be gentle with myself and focus on my strengths.
Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this. I love you and I wish I could give you a big hug!
p.s. You're doing an amazing job.
Lovey! Thank you for sharing this with me. My heart is breaking. I am so glad you're learning to give yourself grace you deserved all along. I'm trying to get there right with you! You are INCREDIBLE, biggest hugs back, xx!
Lovey, you are an amazing and talented person too! What you have accomplished it’s because of how smart and creative you are! ❤️
thank you so much 🥺❤
😘
This is so real & raw. A beautiful reminder that you truly never know what inner battles someone is facing on any given day. Thank you for always being authentic on here 🤍
I feel so seen!! My story is the same! Minus the sports. I truly think some teachers passed me out of pity.
Every word of this hit home! It brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and sharing. 💜
Tamie! Every single comment where someone says, “I feel seen” makes my heart feel so full. I totally connect within what you said— YES to teachers passing out of pity (saw that specifically in one college class). Thank you for reading, sharing, and connecting!!! I appropriate you!!!
A beautiful piece and a beautiful comments section, amazing to read your story and to hear from so many others who feel the same. Thank you for always creating a safe space for us all 💛
Connie!! Thank you so so much for these kind words!
Dude! This is my life in the classroom and I love my ADHD students and you so much! It’s a lot to handle. I wish I could erase shame from every wonderful person who is feeling it. Thanks for writing a beautiful and vulnerable piece Traci! Love ya so much!❤️❤️🙌
Thank you, Tam!!! 🥰🥰🥰
This was such an incredible post Traci! Thank you for sharing it with us 💛
I’m finally catching up on all my substacks and this was a beautiful read. I can absolutely empathise with the burnout. It’s such a common misconception that people with ADHD are always messy and unproductive and unreliable. Like you described, they can be hyper organsized and ‘type A’ in their careers or schooling because they are working SO hard to manage their ADHD challenges. No wonder you are feeling exhausted!
Self-compassion is a hard one so don’t let that be another thing to beat yourself up over lol! It certainly doesn’t come easy for me, but all we can do is keep practicing xo
Thank you, Pip!!! I feel soooo seen by this comment!! And encouraged 🥰🥰