let it go like elsa

from piles to peace: letting go the elsa way.

Elsa has had a grip on our family for years. For almost three Halloweens straight, my daughter refused to be anything other than Elsa. When we spent a ridiculous amount of money taking our kids to Disney World (all while I have a fear of amusement parks), she refused to smile in every single picture… except when she met… Elsa.

Before bed, the only book she’d let us read every night was a Frozen Sing-A-Long book. My husband got so good at singing Let it Go that I’d catch him randomly belting it while doing the dishes alone. One of my favorite fitness instructors, Kirsten Ferguson, always talks about how important it is to let things go that don't serve us. Her words that inspired this post? “Let it go like Elsa, hunny!” Honestly, it couldn’t be more appropriate.

I think if I tracked how many times we read this book before bedtime in Indyx, the app would literally shut down.

And that’s exactly what I’ve been practicing with my wardrobe—learning how to let things go (with a lot of help from Indyx).

Indyx Anniversary

Happy one-month Indyx-iversary to me! I know it’s not a huge deal, but for someone like me who hyperfixates on things and then drops them like hotcakes, sticking with anything for 30 days is pretty impressive.

If you missed my original post about the significance of digitizing your wardrobe, you can read more about it here. Digitizing my wardrobe over the past few months has been eye-opening. I’ve learned the following:

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The Wardrobe Reckoning

Seeing what I actually wear helps me make smarter choices. It’s clear which items are “lonely soldiers” that never see the light of day, and which clothes are getting worn repeatedly. Some pieces I’ve owned for years haven’t been touched in five. So why am I still holding on to them?

And since we’re keeping it real, here’s what Indyx told me I’ve been reaching for the most in my wardrobe lately:

MESH FLATS WHITE || MESH FLATS BLACK || LINEN SHORTS || DENIM SHORTS || BOXER SHORTS YELLOW || BOXER SHORTS BLUE || BOAT SHOES || CZ DIAMOND STUDS || SHELL EARRINGS || SILVER ORB EARRING

Here are those hero pieces in action over the past two months:

Honestly, it’s kind of freeing to see in black and white what’s actually earning its keep in my closet. But that clarity also brings up a bigger challenge. If I can clearly see what I love and wear on repeat, why am I still holding on to everything else? It made me realize that letting go isn’t just about clothes, it’s about habits, memories, and fears we carry in many areas of life.

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Why Letting Go Is Hard (beyond clothes…)

I realized I hold on to a lot of things:

1. I can't let go of my kids' artwork. It could be a stick figure on a napkin, and it feels like a treasure. Tossing it out triggers a tiny tyrant demanding an explanation.

Like someone call the MET and get this framed because we’re officially living with a prodigy.

2. Emails from 2010. Yes, I still have the notes I sent my bridesmaids in 2013 about what dress to buy. As of yesterday, my inbox sat at 5,936 and counting.¹

2. Teaching supplies. Boxes of stuff I’ll never use, yet I can’t seem to throw them out. I have no business having 52 staplers and 19 hole punchers.

3. Christmas cards. I refuse to throw out people’s family photos.

4. Used Gift bags. Why do I have to save and store all of them?

5. Faded receipts that are so old I can’t even read what was once written on them.

6. My husband tries to purge our entire refrigerator every week, while I believe in expiration dates and common sense.

The list could go on and on… And then there’s my mini-hoarder: my daughter. Her room is full of trinkets from camp, art lessons, and a stuffed animal she found in a park years ago. Sometimes I sneak things out, but she always finds them - those baby-blue eyes staring at me like, “Why would you throw out my beautiful artwork? I worked so hard on it!”

My response used to be one of three: lie, blame my husband, or own that I was a cold, heartless mother. Clearly, I needed professional help. So, I called in the big guns…

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The Psychology of Letting Go (calling in the expert)

Elsa makes letting go look so easy, just like her effortless French braid. So, why is it so hard for the rest of us?

I called in the big guns: one of my favorite Substack writers, Pip from Wardrobe Psyche. She’s a stylish mom and clinical psychology master’s student who blends fashion and psychology brilliantly. I sent her an SOS asking her to help us (mostly me) understand why it feels impossible to part with our stuff.

Here’s what Pip shared related to my letting go spiral:

“Letting go is hard for lots of reasons. It is a process of active decision-making that requires us to weigh up the potential costs and benefits of getting rid of something. We may fall into a number of ‘thinking traps’ when we’re evaluating these costs, such as catastrophizing (“my daughter will never forgive me if I throw this away”) or black-and-white thinking (“it’s wasteful to throw this away”). When these distorted patterns of thinking cloud our judgement, it’s easier to make no choice at all and keep the item.

On a deeper level, letting go forces us to confront the reality that life is always changing - our babies get older, our bodies take on new shapes. This can bring up a sense of loss and uncertainty, and with it, painful feelings like grief and anxiety.

For so many of us, we haven't been taught how to sit with and process these heavy feelings. And so we keep these feelings at bay by putting off the culling and sorting. We resist the inevitable by holding on. This avoidance gets reinforced as it brings us short term relief - we’re off the hook from facing the messy stuff! But in the long term, it erodes our self-belief that we are, in fact, capable of making decisions and handling our emotions. It also robs us of the opportunity to realise that letting go might not be as bad as we think, and that on the other side might be a sense of freedom and new beginnings.”

Her insight made me realize: holding on isn’t just about stuff— it’s about fear. Fear of change, fear of regret, fear of who I might be without the things I’ve attached myself to! But the truth is, clinging doesn’t keep me safe, it just keeps me stuck. And maybe *just maybe* letting go could actually feel lighter, freer, and more me.

I’ll try not to let you down, Pip! Thank goodness for unlimited refills.

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Let it go like Elsa List

So after paying Pip my co-pay for our session, I made a list of what I’m ready to release:

1. Wearing a new outfit every day. I know Libby McCurrach went to high school with Pete Buttigieg, and nothing I say will ever compare. But I did go to high school with Hilary Duff’s husband. Lizzie McGuire, our OG outfit repeater. There is strength in versatility, and a lot to celebrate about creativity—things I never valued before, and now I do. I used to think wearing something new every day was a flex; now I see wearing the same dang thing in 21 different ways as the REAL flex.

2. Clothes that don’t fit or feel like me (the past is in the past!!!). I need to stop holding on to pieces in the hope that one day I might fit into them. For me, it’s super stressful. When I’m ready, I’ll just buy something that fits and makes me feel good. This also includes getting rid of clothes that no longer fit my kids!

3. Bold prints I never reach for. This was tough. I love colors, patterns, and prints, but if I never wear them, why keep them? The Indyx data doesn’t lie. Time to say goodbye.²

The patterns and prints are really pretty— I just don’t reach for them!

4. Constantly needing more. This is no cap, as the youngins say, but I honestly don’t feel the need to aggressively scroll and accumulate. My wardrobe isn’t “complete,” per se, but it feels really good right now.³ I have a better understanding of what I have, what I’d like to add, and what’s actually worth adding.

5. Shopping new. Tina Boetto and Danielle have truly opened my eyes to shopping second hand (here & here). I’m excited to be embracing and participating in Second Hand September! I have five pieces in my arsenal that are true to my style, interesting as hell, and add a creative edge that feels very me.

Recent secondhand acquisitions — I’ve been loving TRR & Depop.

6. So. Many. Duplicates. One solid blue oxford > four. One favorite white dress > four.

7. Maybe it will come back in style. If this is my mantra, I’d have an entire basement full of clothing I’m saving just in case. Not necessary. My style is personal. It’s what feels good to me, not what the world says I should wear.

8. Impulse Buys. These are now a thing of the past (or at least a valiant effort - progress not perfection). Because the data doesn’t lie, the Indyx data makes it clear what will get a lot of wear versus what I’ll wear only once.

9. Product hoarding. Let’s be real, makeup has an expiration date. LET IT GO. In 2017, I was convinced YouTube could teach me the perfect smokey eye during maternity leave. I watched my favorite influencer, bought all the tools, and ended up looking like a very sickly raccoon. Over time, I’ve realized that less is more for me when it comes to makeup. It’s time to ditch the extras I never use. These are the ONLY 7 products I actually reach for every day.

L TO R: PRIMER || TINTED MOISTURIZER || BRONZING DROPS || LASH PRIMER || MASCARA || BLUSH || BROW PENCIL

10. Only wearing my comfy clothes. This summer I joined team Get Dressed Everyday and it made a huge difference. Kelly Williams wrote about the power of getting dressed here everyday and honestly I could not agree more. Knowing that I wanted to track my outfit kept me accountable. However, I still gave myself grace to embrace a DNGD™ (did not get dressed) day when needed!

Just me getting dressed on a day I’d typically wear basketball shorts and an XL tee. TANK (similar) || LINEN SHORTS || SHOES || SUNNIES || EARRINGS

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What Did I Learn?

In the end, letting go felt so good and a little bad.

• Good = more space, easier access to the pieces I love and actually wear.

• Bad = saying shameful goodbyes to the lonely soldiers I spent good money on but never used (donations + passed on to my super chic mom).

Maybe Elsa had it right all along. Letting go isn’t about what you lose, it’s about making room for what actually brings you joy. And unlike me, she didn’t even need Indyx to figure that out. TBH, the more I think about it…the Elsa metaphor doesn’t even fit. I’m definitely Olaf-coded. Which is awkward.

I hope you enjoyed this one! BIG THANK YOU to Pip from Wardrobe Psyche for sharing her insights! She truly reframed how I think about letting go. If you want more of her brilliant blend of fashion, motherhood, and psychology, check out her latest post below!

Wearing What Matters

If you had to let it go like Elsa today, what’s the first thing you’d toss—and what’s staying no matter what?

I will be back next week with some outfits and recent looks! Thank you for taking the time to read my writing and support my work. IT TRULY MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.

Snow much love,

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1. A highlight of my week was learning that Maurene Goo also does not delete e-mails.

2. Clearly, I’m a poet now.

3. I usually mention this is not a sponsored post and Indyx doesn’t know who I am. It is still not sponsored, however I think they may know who I am. I aggressively tag them 24/7.