I Overthink Every Outfit, So You Don't Have To | 11
Finding Authenticity Beyond Instagram Likes: My Journey Through Social Media Burnout, Real Style, What I Wore This Week, and Embracing Imperfection
How Many Likes Did You Get, Mommy?
I’ve been thinking a lot about a conversation I had with my daughter a few weeks ago. I showed her a reel I made of an outfit. She giggled, approved, and then asked, “So how many likes and dislikes did you get?”
I laughed, told her the likes, and explained how dislikes aren’t really a thing.
I thought about it for days, adding it to my running notes on my iPhone to revisit later.
Her question stuck with me… more than I expected. I have been blogging and “content creating” for about three months now. I’ve honestly learned a lot. Here are a few of the most interesting epiphanies I’ve had since beginning this journey:
I love writing, and Substack is really where I feel at home.
I hate Instagram, The algorithm, making reels, and pouring hours into a reel only to watch it flop. I hate trying to come up with a “hook” or a unique idea to get as many views as possible. (NO shade if you love IG! …Seriously!!! This is all my personal opinion/feelings)
Instagram has this weird, unspoken contract between creators: If you like my photo, I’ll like yours. If you comment on mine, I’ll return the favor, even if you secretly hated the outfit.
I took three days off from commenting or posting on anyone’s Instagram content. I was tired and burnt out. When I finally posted a picture after not engaging with others for a few days—barely any likes and four comments, all from me (LOL).
There are groups of creators online who ally together to consistently like and engage with one another’s posts. Think of it like an “engagement pod” — a like-for-like or follow-for-follow vibe. It gives “women supporting women,” and I love that spirit. But I don’t want people to feel forced to like my stuff if, deep down, they actually think it’s pretty lame.
There are really genuine people on Instagram, and that cannot be lost in this post. One creator kindly reached out to give me veteran tips and ideas. Others genuinely asked questions about photographs and outfits I was posting.
I started to think back to my daughter’s comment, “How many likes and how many dislikes?” And I started to panic. Am I doing this for likes, or am I doing this for passion? Am I showing my daughter that validation comes from strangers on the internet who get to measure my successes and failures?
We’re wired to measure ourselves against those around us. I started to feel like the reels I was trying to produce were just another example of conformity. I was looking at what others (people I admired) were doing and trying to emulate that process with my own spin.
I would try to make a reel, but if it wasn’t perfect, I’d keep fixing it until it was. Then, I’d check it frequently to see if it gained any tiny bit of traction.
Sean Parker — known for being played by Justin Timberlake in The Social Network, and in real life the founder of Napster and former president of Facebook — said that Facebook’s social media goal was to create a “social validation feedback loop.”
“The thought process that went into building these applications, Facebook being the first of them, was all about: ‘How do we consume as much of your time and conscious attention as possible?’ And that means that we need to sort of give you a little dopamine hit every once in a while, because someone liked or commented on a photo or a post or whatever... It’s a social-validation feedback loop... exactly the kind of thing that a hacker like myself would come up with, because you're exploiting a vulnerability in human psychology.” - Sean Parker (Former President of Facebook)
And then I started to panic. What the hell am I doing? This is not me. This isn’t what I love. I love fashion, I love long form writing, I love styling!
I do not like making Instagram videos, and I sure as hell will not dance at a Sweet 16—let alone in front of a camera to put on social media.
Am I validating my success by likes and dislikes from people on the internet? Is that truly the measure of my worth?
I took down all my reels. Sorry, I know some of you probably enjoyed giggling at how tragic they were.
On Instagram I started doing the following…
I started posting images when I wanted, using a grainy, nostalgic edit—an edit that won’t erase pores or smooth my wrinkles. It honestly looks like your Mom took the photo in the 1980s.
I want to use grainy photos to post for expression and style, not validation.
I want to show my style without it needing to be flawless—like, yes, there is an outlet and plug in my photos, and I’m not going to spiral trying to remove it. I am a NORMAL HUMAN who lives in a NORMAL HOUSE!
I want to continue writing and doing what I love online. However, I want it to be a healthier place — and I want it to feel authentic. I want people to like my posts and work because they actually like it, not because it’s a manufactured “reciprocal like” contract.
My grainy Instagram photos feel like a visual protest against the crazy optimized images I see everywhere on social media. It’s stylistic, and it’s me showing up as I am — focusing on how an outfit makes me feel, not how I can get it to look good in 4K (I can imagine I would look pretty scary in 4K).
The nostalgic photos remind me of life before beauty filters and editing. It’s a vintage-style filter, but it feels weirdly “real.”
I’ll always post my raw photos here on Substack. I may crop them if you see a tumbleweed of dog hair, but honestly, do I really care? I have dogs. Dogs shed. That is REAL LIFE.
I want my daughter to grow up in a world where our validation comes from our self-respect, personal efforts, and internal alignment… from “How many likes did I get?” to “Am I proud of the person who I am becoming?”
So, in a nutshell, if you like my Instagram content (which can’t be many people based on the metrics) it may look a little different.
I promise to keep Substack as uncurated a space as possible. I want this to be real and honest, like I promised you on day one.
I told my husband the other day….and I hope I didn’t steal this quote from someone, “I’d rather die being authentic than live a life of inauthenticity.” (Quick! Someone get us some merch!!)
The rat race I was finding myself in on Instagram was making me feel super inauthentic. And it felt ick.
I’m happy here on Substack. I’m excited to keep showing up as my unfiltered, imperfect, authentic self—and I’m so glad you’re here for it.
Monday
Monday, I had a celebration for work, so I wasn’t able to snap the outfit until much later in the evening. I love peasant dresses and linen during the spring and summer. I paired it with a brown leather gladiator-style sandal and some basic faux diamond earrings.
Tuesday
I wasn’t sure how I felt about this shirt when I first got it. I kept asking my husband if I looked like a linebacker, and he adamantly convinced me that wasn’t true. I love the eyelet material (very on trend this spring and summer), and I wore a white tank top underneath to make it work-appropriate. I paired it with medium-wash denim and my favorite Target sandals.
Wednesday
Wednesday was shockingly cold. I wanted to break out that white A-line skirt I love and decided to pair it with a white tee and a cozy grey sweatshirt. To elevate the look, I added a bold, chunky gold statement earring. I broke my cardinal rule of wearing ballet flats in the rain, but sometimes fashion must fashion.
I also got my hair colored, so the blowout was looking extra fresh in these photos!
Thursday
I am really obsessed with this look. I thought khakis were a thing of the past, hiding out with my red polo and Jake from State Farm. I was wrong. At first, I had the linen button-up untucked and felt very Gen Z cool. However, after careful mirror analysis, I realized that tucked in and neat was the way to go.
I tossed on this striped sweater as a layer. For reference, I did not wear the sweater—like, at all. It was merely a prop in the look, and I think it delivered. It had no other function than to look cool.
Friday
Let’s revisit my love for a Peter Pan collar. I found this old shirt in the iconic storage bins—it's from at least three years ago. It’s one of those shirts where, if you told me you liked it, I’d immediately say, “Thanks, it’s old! It’s from Target!” Which it is.
I wanted to make it interesting, so I paired it with my favorite wide-leg denim and a bold red ballet flat to add some fun. The pants were a tiny bit long with the flats, but they looked awesome together.
Saturday
Continuing the pop of red theme—Saturday was my usual “sport mom Saturday” attire. I love these denim shorts. Not only are they the perfect length, but they also have this weird ability to suck me in a bit. I paired them with my favorite white cropped tee and a red polo hat. The oval sunglasses are perfect because I can wear them under the hat without making it rise up.
There is nothing more chic than a millennial pair of Rainbow sandals. I will be buried in this footwear choice. Sorry, not sorry.
Let’s Chat: I’m curious, What’s your relationship with social media like these days? or Which of this week’s looks or pieces did you love? Always love to hear your thoughts! <3
That’s all for today! I hope you enjoyed this post. Wishing you a peaceful and meaningful Memorial Day weekend. I’ll do my best to get a post together for Saturday, but I may need to skip it for some much-needed family time. Thank you for understanding!
No matter what, I’ll be back in your inboxes on Tuesday!
Love you guys! xo,
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I’m so happy to hear you had this realization! We want to see YOU, not some edited, faux-version! We want a NORMAL person in a NORMAL house (loved that line)! I find Substack so much more fulfilling than insta these days, and really only use it for a quick check-in on faraway friends. I love that Peter Pan collar blouse and how you styled it, as well as that beautiful eyelet blouse!
This resonated so deeply. The way your daughter asked that so innocently, and how quickly it brought up all the unspoken weight we carry around being liked or accepted, was such a powerful moment. It’s wild how early those messages start to show up, and how much we still catch ourselves navigating them, especially online. This was such a beautiful reminder to come back to ourselves and to what actually feels good and true.
Also love the red ballet flats and Peter Pan collar! ♥️