congrats on not quitting and then quitting

on pausing, pivoting, and getting dressed without performing

I wrote an entire post that was supposed to go out on Tuesday, March 2nd, titled “congrats on not quitting.” It was my usual 5-4-3-2-1 post to celebrate 370 days of consistent writing on Substack.¹

But I couldn’t hit publish.

I think it felt weird to post a joke about not quitting when I was having feelings of actually wanting to quit, or at least pause.

The entire week leading up to my “publish day,” every Tuesday felt off. I felt unable to open the app. Unmotivated to even open a draft. I found myself craving being outside, cooking dinner mindfully, and watching TV on my mattress (we’re currently undergoing renovations).

I think the Four-Shirted Husband™ was low-key about to call the authorities out of concern. And my mom and dad, who wait for my newsletter every Tuesday (they are the cutest), were thrown off as well. A few folks even performed a wellness check and it was beyond kind. Truly above and beyond.

My response to folks checking in… usually fashionably late. Average reply time: 3–6 business days.

Soooo I took some time off.

Things were starting to feel a little “rat-race-ish,” and if you know me that’s a race I’ll never win. I’ll just casually walk off the track with a metaphorical cigarette saying, “No thanks.”

Usually, I would grind it out. Hit publish. Take a deep breath. Do it all over again. I can’t let people down! My subscribers, my colleagues, the amazing friends I’ve met here.

But something felt different. I described it to friends like my soul was telling me to pause.

Earlier in the month, I deleted my Instagram and Facebook apps from my phone. We should probably blame Gabriel Basso. I haven’t been on them—or had the desire to go on. And then I started to feel that same way about Substack.

Sure, I’d pop on for a minute or two. Read something quick about people disagreeing over affiliate links. Click on someone’s request to style them. Maybe read a post about slow living.

But then I found myself just wanting to get off.

I think sometimes when things feel like they’re moving too fast around me, I realize I simply can’t keep up. It reminds me of when Instagram moved to Reels and I felt like an archaic dinosaur trying to type on a phone with XXL thumbs. It just felt impossible.

Nothing in this world pains me more than feeling like I’m letting people down. But for one of the first times in my life, I said screw it. I need to listen to myself. And my gut said stop.

In the days I’ve been off, I’ve realized something simple: I just want to get dressed in a way that’s not performative.

It’s performative because I make it that way—I take selfies, I post them, I link them. Which is fun. But it isn’t always sustainable.

When I stepped away from the apps and writing, I cleared enough cognitive space to realize something: what’s happening inside my home matters way more than anything happening on social media. There were things I wasn’t noticing with my own family because I was so preoccupied with distractions.

I noticed that I like getting dressed based on my mood. I like getting a little inspiration from the creative minds here, but I also like just wearing what I like. Regardless of whether it’s cool, in style, or (GASP) linkable. If you’re curious, you can see what I’ve been wearing lately on Indyx!

I noticed I felt lighter and happier. Getting dressed felt less laborious—thank goodness, since I’m literally living out of plastic bags during renovations.

I had time to think about how things in my life felt out of alignment with who I am and I made a point to walk outside every day and literally touch the grass. Not just say it on Substack Notes… actually do it.

I wore my hair however I wanted, with little regard for how it would photograph. Fun fact: I have naturally REALLY curly hair.

I had time to think about what changes I need to make, not to sustain my Substack, but to sustain my joy in real life.

Usually, when I come to these kinds of realizations, I get mad at myself. I judge myself. I think, how did you not see this sooner?

But this time, I thought it was pretty cool.

You realized you were out of alignment.
You took time to realign.
You didn’t feel the need to owe anyone an explanation.
And now you’re ready to pivot.

My strength and conditioning coach in college had a quote I’ve carried with me since I was 18. I hope he’s reading this…hi, Glenn!

“THE GREAT ONES ADJUST.”

If you’re feeling out of alignment with who you are, remember: it’s never too late to come back to yourself. It’s never shameful to say, wait, this isn’t what I expected. It’s never too late to pivot and allow things to feel more authentic.

It doesn’t matter what the world thinks. It matters what feels good to you.

I’m reading No Mud, No Lotus by Thich Nhat Hanh (for the 100th time). It’s the book I go back to often when I need grounding. One of the analogies he shares is the idea of “releasing your cows.”

A “cow” is something you believe is essential to your happiness—but when you finally have it, it creates stress, anxiety, or pressure instead of peace.

Sometimes the very thing you think you need is actually the thing weighing you down.

The more cows we release, the greater our freedom.

I spoke before about a monk who was very busy building a temple… When he was building it, he worried so much about the temple that he didn’t have time to practice walking meditation, mindful breathing, or enjoy touching the present moment. He was sacrificing his own happiness. He sacrificed the most important thing and focused on the less important things.

When the monk complained to a friend, his friend said, “Why don’t you become a real monk? A real monk is free from cows.”

So even a temple can be a cow. It does not mean he should not build the temple, but there are ways to build temples without making them into cows, and where you still remain a free person.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

I think it’s time to release some cows.

I’m not sure what things will look like moving forward in Rambling With Style. I just know it will be more aligned with my soul—and that’s the only way I’m doing this, with fewer cows.

And truly, thank you for being here.

Sending love, joy, and a blessed Eid to all who are celebrating today.

See you soon,

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1. Also, a serious shout-out and thank you from the bottom of my heart to Natalia Cropper, FNP-C,DipACLM. Her two delicious recipes were going to be featured in the post I didn’t end up publishing. I let her know what was going on, and she couldn’t have been more supportive, understanding, and just straight-up wonderful.